now entering...

the beginning of the last... Today marks the 1st day of fatigue & pain for Florian. However. This is the last time we have to go through this - at least for now :)

Florian finished his Prednizone yesterday; today was day 1 of Neupogen. Tonight he is already feeling the side effects with bone pain (hip and thigh). He came home from work very tired; took 1/2 hour to lie down while I worked on dinner.

I am afraid of the next two weeks - with each consecutive treatment the fatigue & bone pain & muscle cramps have not only been making their presence known earlier in the cycle but also have been somewhat more severe. Inwardly I am cringing at what I know lies ahead... I have to be strong for him... but from where will I find that strength? I'm tired - but not nearly as tired as he is. Emotionally I feel like I am falling apart - who will hold me together?

I know the answer - As I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let my foot slip — he who watches over me will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over me — the LORD is my shade at my right hand; the sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep me from all harm — he will watch over my life; the LORD will watch over my coming and going both now and forevermore.*

I am thankful for the peace that comes as I, once again, take my cares & concerns and lay them down at the feet of the One who cares for me (1 Pet 5:7).

Practically, I am also thankful that aside from 2 Christmas gifts left to purchase we are basically ready for Christmas.

* Ps 121:1-8, New International Version (Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society)

it's been a long day...

but we are thankful that they we come this far. Today was the 6th (and final) treatment. As Florian mentioned on his blog, it's so easy to become complacent.

We have much for which to be thankful:
(1) 6 treatments without any reactions
(2) side effects continue to be minimal
(3) a whole host of continued prayers being offered on our behalf
(4) as a result of #3, we have experienced so clearly the peace that passes all understanding - the peace that only comes from God

However. All this will be for naught if we have not learned from this journey. As I reflect on the past 3 months I have to ask myself, "Have my roots grown deeper? Am I different today? Has this "bend in the road" changed me?

I pray that I can honestly answer "yes" to each of these questions.

A stark realization. . .

hit me yesterday.... as much as I had, this past summer, resolved in my heart to choose joy, my focus the last little while has been on the "storm", feeling threatened by the speed bumps and the bend in the road. Rather than lifting my eyes to the Master of the storm, I have allowed the storm to be the center of my focus. If I look into the depths of the sea, there I find calm water. There is where my anchor rests.... there my soul will find peace & joy.

As I/we enter this season of Advent, my prayer is that I/we will look beyond the tinsel & glitter, to move beyond the frenzy, and dig deeper to realize the peace & joy that is mine/ours because of Christ.