Sunday, August 21, 2011

a better perspective gained

after church today.

Abraham was tested. Genesis 22. He's tested first in the area of his faith. Then, his affections. and then his love. Yet he came out tested and true.

Faith: do I allow God to be the One in whom I still place all my trust and confidence?

Affections: Is God worthy of my worship even if I have to give up the most treasured and prized possessions - that which is dearest to me?

Love: God asks, "How important am I to you?" Is there anything that has come between me and God? is there anything that is taking God's #1 place in my life?

I think I have some work to do.

It's too easy to sit back and feel sorry for myself. I don't want to live like that.

I want to live in confidence and trust.
I want to worship Him freely and without reservation.
I want love Him with such abandon that He becomes the object of my affection.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

am I walking alone...

on this journey? There are certainly many days when it sure feels like it.

I recently returned from visiting my brother in Anchorage. It was great. I loved it. The scenery is beyond description.

I could have sat in their living room gazing out the window for hours and hours and hours.

Yet in the midst of all that stunning beauty, there lay an emptiness.

I knew Florian would have absolutely loved to have been there too. So many times I wanted to show him the beauty I was experiencing. But he wasn't there. I felt alone.

How could I feel alone? I was with my brother. We spent hours and hours and hours talking about things that matter. What it means to be content. How to face an uncertain future without anxiety. He showed and taught me how to carve wood - I carved my first wood spirit under his instruction. It was good. I felt so very accepted. I wasn't alone. We were two siblings spending precious days together.

I came home. The house is quiet. I've spent hours and hours and hours in quiet contemplation. I feel alone. Wait. Never mind feeling alone, I am alone. Nonetheless, I don't want to have a house full of people just to fill the empty rooms - just so that I'm not alone.

I think back to some of the conversations from these past two weeks.

How to be content?

I think it begins with trust. I need to remind my head & my heart that God is still trustworthy. He is still faithful. He is still in control. He knows what lies ahead. He waits for me to come to Him.

Do I believe Him? Will I trust Him?

I may feel alone, but He walks with me.

That means, I am never alone.

Knowing that, can I be content?