It was tough - hard on Florian, hard on the kids, hard on me. Up until this week, Florian has really sailed through with very few side effects of his first treatment. But now - he began to have a fever. Our night was a complete write-off as he/I was awake every hour checking his temperature. If it didn't go down, we had been instructed to head to emergency. Fortunately we didn't have to make that trip, but in the morning there was another flurry of phone calls, appointments, driving him to & from .... is this our "new normal"? I certainly pray that it isn't... I don't know if I can physically withstand the demands.
Actually, I can handle the physical demands far easier than the mental & emotional strain - the stress that is mounting in our home. Christopher is having a hard time. He isn't saying much, but I can see that he's not coping very well. I see him depressed and frustrated and is having a hard time with everything. This, particularly, is hard to watch as a parent.
Each day I am asked, "How's Dad?" Telltale indications of how the kids are coping (or not).
I reflect on all this and remember that during the summer I had made a resolution to choose joy. Not happiness, but joy. To find joy and contentment in knowing that:
- God is in control
- He is in each circumstance
- He IS
Friday Florian is finally able to work all day - the kids are relieved - I am relieved. I know that he's back to "normal" when I see him in the kitchen helping with dinner preparations.
Reflecting on this, I am reminded of a message Christopher brought home from chapel this week. If Satan can't make you 'bad', he'll make you 'busy'. I have been very busy - too busy... My quiet time has suffered.... and I wonder. Had I continued to make time for morning prayer & devotions, would I have coped better this week? A quiet inner sense persuades me that it would indeed have made a difference. That would have, in turn, made it easier for the kids.... I realize I need to make my quiet time a priority - I can't afford, for the sake of the kids, to have another week like this past one.
I am reminded, once again, to take each day one step at a time, and resolve to:
(1) make my quiet time a priority
(2) choose joy