Saturday, September 15, 2007

step by step...

we'll make it through. Florian mentioned tonight that he needed to log his next journal entry. I thought, "Can we please just forget this week happened?"

It was tough - hard on Florian, hard on the kids, hard on me. Up until this week, Florian has really sailed through with very few side effects of his first treatment. But now - he began to have a fever. Our night was a complete write-off as he/I was awake every hour checking his temperature. If it didn't go down, we had been instructed to head to emergency. Fortunately we didn't have to make that trip, but in the morning there was another flurry of phone calls, appointments, driving him to & from .... is this our "new normal"? I certainly pray that it isn't... I don't know if I can physically withstand the demands.

Actually, I can handle the physical demands far easier than the mental & emotional strain - the stress that is mounting in our home. Christopher is having a hard time. He isn't saying much, but I can see that he's not coping very well. I see him depressed and frustrated and is having a hard time with everything. This, particularly, is hard to watch as a parent.

Each day I am asked, "How's Dad?" Telltale indications of how the kids are coping (or not).

I reflect on all this and remember that during the summer I had made a resolution to choose joy. Not happiness, but joy. To find joy and contentment in knowing that:
  • God is in control
  • He is in each circumstance
  • He IS
I confess that I haven't been doing so well with this; I really want my pity-party.

Friday Florian is finally able to work all day - the kids are relieved - I am relieved. I know that he's back to "normal" when I see him in the kitchen helping with dinner preparations.

Reflecting on this, I am reminded of a message Christopher brought home from chapel this week. If Satan can't make you 'bad', he'll make you 'busy'. I have been very busy - too busy... My quiet time has suffered.... and I wonder. Had I continued to make time for morning prayer & devotions, would I have coped better this week? A quiet inner sense persuades me that it would indeed have made a difference. That would have, in turn, made it easier for the kids.... I realize I need to make my quiet time a priority - I can't afford, for the sake of the kids, to have another week like this past one.

I am reminded, once again, to take each day one step at a time, and resolve to:
(1) make my quiet time a priority
(2) choose joy


Lee said...

Edith, you absolutely inspire me with your words. I can't say anything that will help take any of your pain and struggle away, but just send hugs and prayers!! And what a blessing you bring to many with your honesty and sharing of your and your family's journey.

Kevin & Misti said...

Oh, Edith... your words brought tears to my eyes! Your honesty is amazing! I pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a new way during this journey! You are in my prayers!

thinker said...

Thanks, friends, for your kind words of encouragement.. for your prayer support... I know it is only because of the many prayers being lifted on our behalf that we are able to take each step in this journey.... so from the bottom of my heart, Thank You :)

Suzanne said...

Edith...I don't even know what I want to say...I feel it, but I can't find the right words. You are amazing, you are honest, you are struggling. BUT you will find your way. I pray that you will be held up and comforted by our almighty God who strengthens us and weeps with us.