I can only see....

but a step ahead. I wish the path was illuminated allowing me to clearly see what lies ahead. I want to know what happens at the end....

I've never been good at reading novels without peeking ahead to the last pages to see how everything turns out in the end. I can't stand suspense. That's why I'm not very good at handling surprises.... I like knowing what's ahead. I want to be in control and have everything go according to plan - my plan.

But if I knew exactly what lay ahead, would I be capable of handling that knowledge at this point? If I am totally honest with myself, I want to know but really only as long as the good guy wins in the end. I want to know that Florian will be OK - that his cancer will go into remission and never rear its ugly head again.

For today, I can only see the next step and need to trust that God not only can see the rest of the path but has orchestrated it to be exactly the way He deems is best for me - for Florian - for our family.

Can I be OK with only seeing my next step? Can I be OK with placing my hand in His and allowing Him to lead me along the road that He has laid out for me? Can I trust Him for that? That means I relinquish my need to be in control. That means that I have to be OK to not know whether the good guy wins in the end. That means I have to be OK with only seeing the next step. Am I?

have you ever wondered....

why we sometimes find ourselves in hard times?

A book I started reading yesterday said this:

"You can struggle against the disruptive moment, shake your fist at the heavens, and find yourself exhausted, defeated, and in despair - or you can accept the moment and let it train and strengthen you... If you take the latter course, you'll discover on the other side more power, more holiness, and more fruit. Those are precious gifts that cannot be purchased with any coin other than tears. When you possess them, you'll comprehend with joy what God wanted so much for you to experience in your life.

God allows no pain without purpose. Instead, He uses pain to dispense power.....

Someone once told me that the times when plants grow the most are not necessarily during the warm, gentle rains or beautiful summer days. In fact, during fierce winds and raging storms come times of the most growth. Botanists tell us that if you were to take a cross-section of the earth during a vicious storm, you could literally observe the roots reaching further down into the soil."*

Incredible. Amazing.

Oh that I would allow this time to grow my roots deeper... to find on the other side more power, more holiness, more fruit. For if, on the other side of this "bend in the road", I am no different, what a waste.

* Jeremiah, David. When Your World Falls Apart. Nashville: Word Publishing, 2000, pp.23-24