I can only see....

but a step ahead. I wish the path was illuminated allowing me to clearly see what lies ahead. I want to know what happens at the end....

I've never been good at reading novels without peeking ahead to the last pages to see how everything turns out in the end. I can't stand suspense. That's why I'm not very good at handling surprises.... I like knowing what's ahead. I want to be in control and have everything go according to plan - my plan.

But if I knew exactly what lay ahead, would I be capable of handling that knowledge at this point? If I am totally honest with myself, I want to know but really only as long as the good guy wins in the end. I want to know that Florian will be OK - that his cancer will go into remission and never rear its ugly head again.

For today, I can only see the next step and need to trust that God not only can see the rest of the path but has orchestrated it to be exactly the way He deems is best for me - for Florian - for our family.

Can I be OK with only seeing my next step? Can I be OK with placing my hand in His and allowing Him to lead me along the road that He has laid out for me? Can I trust Him for that? That means I relinquish my need to be in control. That means that I have to be OK to not know whether the good guy wins in the end. That means I have to be OK with only seeing the next step. Am I?