some rambling thoughts

that need a place to land...

Today has been an emotionally hard day.

On the one hand, we're absolutely thrilled that our daughter is home. There is joy in that. I enjoyed sleeping in my own bed last night.

and yet I'm afraid. I want desperately for the antibiotics to do their work - I want desperately for there to now be major progress in healing. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid of another infection - afraid that there will be another "speed bump". I'm running on empty, physically & emotionally, and don't know that I will have strength to face something more.

Florian's Mom also remains in hospital. She's not improving... These last weeks have taken a real toll on Florian as not only was he coming to the hospital to see his daughter, but he was also trying to spend large amounts of time with his Mom who is hospitalized at another facility.

Tonight I feel as though I've hit the wall. I don't know how much more we can handle...

I know that God is in control. I know that He gives us only what we can bear. I know that He will carry us - that "underneath are the everlasting arms". I feel like I'm standing in the river, facing a raging tide that threatens to pull me under.

and yet.

A song that was just playing downstairs by Steven Curtis Chapman is timely.... "His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on..."

what a precious promise... and as I have been reminded over & over, we are in His precious grip...

it's good to be home . . .

from having been at the hospital once again with my daughter. Fortunately, her stay wasn't as long this time - I/we spent just a week there.

Last week I noticed that the spot where they had put the drain from her spinal fusion was no longer dry. We spent Saturday in ER and by Monday she had undergone yet another surgery. This time the surgeon re-opened her spinal incision to clean out the infection that had lodged there.
The next day, they also ordered some extra x-rays of her thumb/wrist only to discover "hot spots" that indicated something wasn't right. She got a bright neon green cast to stabilize her thumb/wrist in an effort to promote healing.
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She is now home not only with the green cast, but she is also sporting a PICC line and wearing/carrying a big black fanny pack that holds the pump and pouch of antibiotics.

I/We have seen enough of hospitals to do us for a l-o-n-g time. As amazing as medical advances and procedures are.... there are still no guarantees and we continue to pray that the Great Physician will touch her body and bring healing.

Yes, it's good to be home... but even more so, it's good to know that ultimately, our daughter is in His hands... the hardest part is to remember that when there seem to be so many speed bumps along the way...

In the meantime, I am so looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight!!

you know the saying . . .

the best laid plans of mice and men... That basically sums up the past few months in our home.

In a nutshell, between the months of October and December, every member of our family has been in a car accident of some degree. The last accident was just days before Christmas when our son tried to take evasive action and instead hit another vehicle. While we are so very thankful that everyone "walked away" from the accident, our daughter sustained severe injuries.

She was hospitalized with 2 fractured vertebrae requiring a spinal fusion of 3 vertebrae. The following morning saw her re-enter the Operating Room as they performed emergency surgery, trying to determine the cause of the fluid in the abdominal cavity. She remained in hospital for 16 days while they (1) waited for enough healing to take place so they could make her back brace and (2) dealt with an infection.

Our plans for Christmas? put on hold while we sat in her hospital room trying to encourage her and keep her company.

Now that she is home, we have had to adjust her pain medication. HomeCare visits take place regularly as they care for her incision.

We are tired. Slowly we will regain strength. Slowly our daughter will recover. Slowly we will return to our daily routines.

But for now. Our best laid plans have gone up in smoke. We realize once again how fragile life is and we remain grateful for the prayers of many across North America who have upheld us in prayer. God is faithful. God is in control.

Although we have no idea of the "why", we trust that God knows and for now.... that is enough.

What an incredible reminder to us that:

• our children are in God's Hands
• we really have no control over what happens each day
• we do have a God who is in control of all things

So where from here? If God wills, we're planning on having our Christmas celebration tomorrow!!!


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