is beginning to set in a little...
Things like:
1. decorating the house for Christmas and knowing that Florian won't be home to comment
2. sitting in church and participating Communion... alone
3. realizing that I can't call him to "vent"
4. shopping for Christmas, watching the couples and it hits that I'm... alone
5. no longer being able to check the little box that sits beside the word "married"
Things like:
1. decorating the house for Christmas and knowing that Florian won't be home to comment
2. sitting in church and participating Communion... alone
3. realizing that I can't call him to "vent"
4. shopping for Christmas, watching the couples and it hits that I'm... alone
5. no longer being able to check the little box that sits beside the word "married"
6. making decisions... alone
and then there are the girls - they call home and for just a fleeting moment they wonder if Dad will answer the phone... and then they realize....
or we attend Chris' concert and feel keenly that someone is missing...
It's not a lot of fun, these days, to face everything.... alone. It's hard, actually. I miss Florian. I miss his wisdom. I miss his ability to help me work through 'stuff'. I miss the little things... like his help in the kitchen in preparing meals & cleaning up afterward. I miss the big things... like being part of our family at mealtime or attending our son's 4th year Graduation Concert together....
My head says... How could I wish him back? He is in such an amazing place...
My heart says... but I miss him so much....
My head says... it's for our own reasons that we would wish him here
My heart says... but I miss him so much....
and that battle continues to rage.... again.
and then there are the girls - they call home and for just a fleeting moment they wonder if Dad will answer the phone... and then they realize....
or we attend Chris' concert and feel keenly that someone is missing...
It's not a lot of fun, these days, to face everything.... alone. It's hard, actually. I miss Florian. I miss his wisdom. I miss his ability to help me work through 'stuff'. I miss the little things... like his help in the kitchen in preparing meals & cleaning up afterward. I miss the big things... like being part of our family at mealtime or attending our son's 4th year Graduation Concert together....My head says... How could I wish him back? He is in such an amazing place...
My heart says... but I miss him so much....
My head says... it's for our own reasons that we would wish him here
My heart says... but I miss him so much....
and that battle continues to rage.... again.
Once again I find myself in this place where I pray that God... in His graciousness.... would one day put all the pieces back together again....
3 comments:
Edith, I am so sorry. I keep praying that God will be very present with you.
L.
Edith keep reading...Jeremiah 29: 11 is so often used but read on verse 13...when ye shall search for me with all your heart...verse 14...And I will be found of you...
My heart hurts on earth for you...
I wish I had words of wisdom and advice, but alas other than leaning on God I have none. All you say is so true. You are in my prayers. Learning and accepting being single again in a world that seems geared towards couples is not easy. But God is good and he will be with you in the rough times. He will see you through them. Be patient with yourself. Everything is still so new for you. And yes Jeremiah 29:11-14 is good to reread time and time again.
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