more pondering. . .

So much to consider and upon which to ponder.
Much has transpired since the darkness returned; yet amid that darkness there has also come the realization that I am not alone.

This advent season I faced brokenness with new understanding. Broken peace as a result of broken dreams, broken faith, broken trust, broken hope. Is it any wonder that I have felt so conflicted inside? Where there is no trust, there can be no peace.

Life has taken another turn or two:

• I began a new job working as a teller at Scotiabank. 
• I participated in a Study Tour of the land of Israel
• I have wrestled with the darkness
• I have wrestled with the wilderness experience
• I have come to understand that perhaps I am ready to take a fledgling step into trust once again

The wilderness remains the place in which I live. The land of promise is in the distance. I cannot make it out clearly for there hangs in the air a haze. 

The way is ...  well, I don't know the way. Without a guide, I would surely get lost. There is One who knows the way. He has been in this wilderness. He has seen not only seen the land of promise but has also promised that I will one day i will stand at the border, ready to enter... and now He beckons me to follow Him. To follow? That requires trust. Will I choose to trust Him? 

That does not negate the reality that I cannot see the land of promise that lies in the distance. That does not negate that the way is unknown and even the next step is not seen. The haze that lies in the distance? It also hangs in the air that surrounds me, like dense fog. I cannot see where the next step will even lead. It means that my act of trust is to reach my hand into that haze and wait for the Father to take hold of it - to lead me as I take the next step. 

To reach? To trust? Will He take my hand? It is an act of faith - a first faltering step of trust. And what of the anticipation of what lies ahead? It is not possible to proceed without first pausing to remember:

• To remember when God was present
• To remember when he made himself known
• To remember when he protected
• To remember the goodness of the Lord
• To remember...  
• To remember...  
• To remember...

and then to wait...  to be silent...  to reach my hand into that haze... to trust...