I'm thankful for...

routines that help keep each day focused, and I'm thankful that, as part of that routine for me each day, I try to spend time in quiet meditation & prayer.

While I still don't know what the future holds for me/us, I was reminded today that:

• my help comes from the Lord
• the Lord watches over you
• He will watch over your life
• the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever (Ps. 121)
  

For what more can I ask?

Thanks again for the encouraging comments that you have left for me. What a great read! They have been timely reminders for me of "the Lord's great love... for His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness"! (Lamentations 3:22-23).

one step forward...

and two backwards...

I will be honest. As much as I thought I had made my choice, I am having doubts about that.

How is it that it can seem as though I have made my choice one day and the very next day seem to be overwhelmed again by fear? It's like a sea of waves... one after the other... threatening once again to pull me under.

Hypocrite! A strong accusation. But I wonder. What about all the "faith" that I seemed to exhibit these last months? Where is it now? Am I nothing more than a hypocrite?

A friend yesterday explained that perhaps it's not that at all. My faith was what it was for what I was experiencing at the time. However, today I am facing new experiences - experiences that require a deeper faith. That doesn't negate my faith from yesterday. It just means that, for this "bend in the road", my faith will need to grow - to put its roots down just a little deeper.

Seeking the prayers of others, I am asked, "What is the Lord trying to say to you?" After a moment I realize that He is asking me to surrender. To surrender my hold on Florian. To surrender Florian into His care. That's a tough one - previous memories of nearly losing him to surgery rise to the surface and I find my grip tightening rather than loosening. I pray. We pray. Even as the tears course down my face, we pray that they can be the beginning of a new surrender.

That continues to be my prayer today... and maybe today I can take another step forward.

I have a choice....

to make.

We received notice this past week that Florian is scheduled for a "surgical assessment" with a cardiovascular surgeon. We knew in January that this was a possibility because his last CT scan showed an aortic aneurysm of about 5.5cm in size. What does this mean? maybe surgery.... but then again, maybe not.

Initially, fear took reign and began to overwhelm me. But isn't God good? God brought people into my life & blog posts & I came to a realization that I am once again faced with a choice. Life really is all about choices, isn't it? I could continue to give in to fear OR I could choose to trust. It is my choice.

I have given my inner self a stern lecture... have prayed lots... and the bottom line is this:

• God knows all about this too.


• He is still in control of our journey & destiny.


• He asks us to trust.

Actually, I have made my choice. I will choose to obey.

are we ready...

for another "speed bump"? another "bend in the road"?

Is it possible to ever be ready?

Oh that I might once again trust... to not falter... to once again lay my burdens at the foot of the cross...

for only then will I be ready for whatever lies ahead.

I'm enjoying the quiet...

not that my home is physically quiet today... after all we have 5 college students here along with DD1's friend and in a short while I will head out to pick up DD2's friend...

but it's quiet because in the midst of the many happy sounds that surround me I have found a quiet place...

and I have retreated to this quiet place, if for just a moment, and it allows me an opportunity to ponder this thought: the words "listen" and "silent" are spelled with the same letters....

Thus, in the midst of the cacophony of sounds, I eagerly retreat to a silent place deep within which gives me an opportunity to listen... for that which I eagerly wait to hear will make itself known through a still small voice...

In anticipation, I silence my heart and enjoy the quiet found therein.

i've been thinking...

that I love & appreciate so much all the encouragement & support that I/we have received through all my dear friends as we've walked this path these last months.

But... I'm left with a nagging thought. Have I been "real"? I found myself posting only once I had worked things through in my mind and that may have left a slightly skewed perception that I have it "all together".

What is 'real'?

Reality is that I certainly don't have it 'all together'!!!

Reality is that I absolutely cannot do this on my own...
I struggle...
I question...
I doubt...
It's only as I turn my thoughts to the One who walks alongside me that I realize that He alone can calm my fears and give me strength to carry on.... (if I let Him!!!)

Reality is that, only as I acknowledge Him, I am not afraid... (well, not all the time anyway!!)

a different view...

this morning as the sun is shining!

Yesterday we met with the specialist. I realized as we were heading into the appointment that we were both expecting to hear good news. But what if... ? Florian's response was just so right. What if? We have no control over what lies ahead - we walk the path that we have been given. So very pragmatic!

The doctor had just good news for us. Although one small area remains, the CT scan results were excellent. He was very pleased with how well Florian had responded to the chemo. We will have a follow-up appointment in about 2 months.

We have so much for which to be thankful. Thank you to all you our friends and family who have stood by us these months, supporting us and upholding us in prayer. We know without a doubt that you have made our journey easier by sharing it with us in these ways.

What a journey! Yet we know that, even though it may have seemed that way at times, the sun has never stopped shining.

What lies ahead? We don't know, but we do know that He knows and for now that's good enough for us.